I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
