dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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