yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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