so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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