I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
