I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize