I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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