honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So many bounce houses so little time
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
