he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
