Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I had to cum in my sink.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
