So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
