just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
