just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
