the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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