He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You ruined the universe
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
