i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
