i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
