my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
