don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
