Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
