you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize