just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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