Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize