My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
