Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
