In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
