I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
