He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
