I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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