i love accidental penises.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
