In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
