If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Randomize
