ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
