Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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