Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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