ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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