Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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