Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
