There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
