I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
