Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
