drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize