his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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