im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
