Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
