her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
