They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
