Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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