guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
