yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
did i just pee glitter
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
