someone get that fucking seahorse.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
