hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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