Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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