there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
