is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize