Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
