My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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