i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well I just put wine in my tea
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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