No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
