I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
me + whiskey = a bad person
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
