Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
