didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
