I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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