Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
