Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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